Growing up in a family with an absentee father and a stepmother with half-siblings taught me a lot about parenting. Those early years shaped my understanding of what I wanted as well as what I did not want in a parent. This fostered a strong desire in me to parent my future children well. When my wife and I first got married, I did not want any children for the simple reason that I had no clue about what it meant to take on the role of ‘dad’.
Over the years, however, I have gained a deep understanding of what it means to truly forgive and allow God to heal me from the past. My father made mistakes that we can all learn from and in this, I endeavour to honour him and in turn hope to bring honour to my Heavenly Father.
COURAGE
Anyone can be a father. It takes courage to be a dad.
I read this line when I came across quotes by former US President, Barak Obama. It struck a cord in me because of its poignancy.
My late father had several ‘families’, and that accounted for the 16 children he fathered. With so many children around, whenever anyone required his attention or any situation called for his intervention, they were either shunned or simply brushed aside and sometimes even left for his older children to shoulder.
This reticence to take up the headship of the home is in stark contrast to what we know by way of Jesus’ example – loving the Church till death. Stationing yourself at the forefront of challenges that come your family’s way takes courage and willingness. This role is not for the timid, the nonchalant and the sluggard.
To ponder…
Have you observed a father who leaves all the problems his family has to face to his wife or family to deal with?
If you have, pray for them and be your brother’s keeper wherever possible.
PRESENCE
You have to be present in order to present your time and yourself.
My father was hardly ever around. If he was, it was usually in the evenings at dinner where he would eat, sit in front of the television and leave the house anywhere between half an hour to 2 hours later. Whenever my father was home, he was emotionally detached. There was no bonding with his children or my stepmother and he was completely unaware of anything pertaining to us.
When children under similar situations grow up without guidance, they are often left feeling like they are grasping for air with only themselves to rely on to make sense of life. How much better it would be for any child’s first mentor to be their dad – someone who could impart not just knowledge but life lessons to learn as well?
To ponder…
It has been said that the ceiling of one generation ought to be the floor of the next.
Have we even set the ceiling? And if so, have we set it solidly and high enough?
AFFECTION
Dads, shower your children with your affection so that they may be positively impacted.
Since the bible exhorts husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, it would not be a stretch to say that the fruit(s) of a married couple’s life ought to also be given due affection. Even animals can be seen showing affection to their offspring. As human beings with complex cognition and mental processing capabilities, we really ought to be doing better, shouldn’t we?
When I was a child, I had 2 dogs. The male dog in particular impressed me when he became a father. I was pleasantly surprised and even awed at the time he spent with his puppies, showing them around, playing with them and displaying affection. He even allowed his puppies to eat off his plate of food after they had eaten their own meals, knowing that he would not have enough for himself. Amazing!
CPA
Courageous-Present-Affectionate daddy
This acronym sums up what I believe to be the most important qualities of a dad. I use this to remind myself that only does it take courage to be a dad, I also need to be present and my affection has the ability to make an impact on my children. In other words, being a CPA daddy means being accountable; accountable to God for the mandate He has given to me as a father, accountable to the mother of my child whose heart will ever be tender towards her children and accountable to the child who is a blessing.
Have I been a CPA of a dad? You must ask my dear wife and two darling children!
Andrew David Wong and Joanna have two children, Liesl Ann now a youth, and Benedict Alexander who is still in Urbankidz. They love to spend time as a family trying out different food jaunts, playing board games, cycling, watching movies or just plain chatting and laughing together.
